A Moments Weakness
by Silvern Draco
Summary: A short of Dean, having to deal with his fear and feelings when he's serching for Sam. It's something I can see them having as a flash back when he looks back on how he handled Sammy's first disappearance in season 2


_This is a short story I wrote for Dean Winchester, it deals with the time between him looking for Sam and finally finding him when he's been possessed. It was just something that spoke to me, I have a lot of the same feelings that Dean does reguarding family and my duty to them... Dean Winchester is not mine. And if I could... I'd steal Sammy... LOL_

"A Moment's Weakness…" 

I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless  
Lost under the surface  
I don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure  
Of walking in your shoes

[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've  
Become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
Become so tired  
So much more aware  
I'm becoming this

All I want to do  
Is be more like me

And be less like you…

_Numb, Linkin Park_

"_All it takes is a moment, Dean, just one moment. Don't ever hesitate, you hear me? Just one moment of weakness…"_

John Winchester's voice echoed inside his oldest sons head and Dean nodded slightly, his jaw clenched as he felt the tremor of rage boiling up inside of him again, the helpless rage that consumed him every moment of his life since his father's death, a rage that only ever slept now when he was hunting, or drinking…

Right now that rage was prowling around inside of him, fed by the fact that his little brother had taken off, not so much a word, a hint of where he was going, what he was doing, why he had left. Almost as if she could feel his state, the Impala had suddenly stalled, crawled to a stop on the top of a hill as night fell down around them and he stood next to her, his head tipped back as he took a deep breath, just trying to focus, to center himself like he knew he needed to. Sam had only been gone a few days, but the panic was real, squirming around inside of him and dragging up thoughts and memories he didn't want to acknowledge…

_"If you can't save him, Dean, you have to kill him…"_

Dean growled, bringing both his hands up to his head, fists clenched and he pressed them to his temples, almost as if he'd be able to physically push back the voices and promises he'd made. Flashes of his father the day he had died, Sam as a baby in his arms, the heat of the fire as he ran through the house and for the front door, cradling his baby brother from the smoke and flames as their home burned down behind them, assaulted him, helping the fear break through the rage.

"God, stop it! Just stop it! Dean, get a hold of you! This isn't going to help Sammy!" Speaking to himself Dean Winchester yelled, fighting back the burn in his throat, the annoying sting in his eyes that reminded him of the fear that always accompanied his rage, but for one moment it broke through and Dean felt himself giving in…

_"You can't save him…You'll never save him, your father died because of you and there's nothing you can do that will save Sammy, you're going to have to kill him, just like you did your father…You can't save your family, Dean, you're going to loose Sam..."_ As the thoughts ravaged his mind, Dean screamed, oblivious to the storm that had rolled in with the night and the large, cold drops of rain that were splattering down on the hood of the Impala and splashing off his upturned face.

Shaking and still yelling, Dean brought his hands down on the roof of the Impala, feeling like he was going to get sick, knowing for the first time a long time, that everything he was afraid of was going to happen: He was going to have to kill his brother, he was going to be alone…

"No… Nooo! You hear me?!" At first his voice was low, shaking with the pain and fear he felt, but the more he spoke, the more he felt his anger consume the fear, beating it back and into submission and he suddenly turned, yelling out over the valley and to the demon that was hunting his bother, striding over to the chain link fence that separated the road from the ravine down below.

"I WON'T! YOU'RE NOT GETTING HIM TOO! NOT SAMMY! I WON'T LET YOU!!" As he screamed his rage, his grabbed the fence, his knuckles white as he shook it as hard he could, just wanting to feel something solid in his hands as he screamed his defiance for all to hear.

"YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM LIKE YOU TOOK OUR PARENTS! I'LL KILL YOU FRIST! YOU SON OF A BITCH!" As his voice echoed through the valley, Dean panted, just listening to the sound of his own rage mingled with the thunder of the storm, lightening splitting the sky over the valley and he slowly tipped his head back, closing his eyes as he felt the coolness of the rain caressing his skin, rolling down his face and joining the hot salt tears he hadn't even realized where spilling from his eyes.

Only after the rain had washed away his tears and he felt rage and fear had been caged once again did Dean move, his eyes opening to look out over the valley, watch the distant lightening and feel the rumble of the thunder as it shook the air. As if he was speaking to the storm, he nodded, knowing the moment had passed and not allowing it anymore precious time.

"_Don't worry, Sammy, I'm coming for you…" _Murmuring softly, Dean turned, heading back for the Impala and the open road, already reaching for his cell phone to start calling more people and ask if they had seen his brother.


End file.
